Fools & Love

Fools & Love...
For some reason I always seem to get the two confused all the time
My out look now in it is this:
F...is forever and always will I love you but you will never come to do the same
O...is obviously you will never change and keep toying with my emotions.
O...is obsession that I have lost for you and have realized that you never had it for me hahaha what a joke
and last but not least,
L...is LUST
Which was all we both played on...nothing more and nothing less.

LOVE was never there...it was a figment of our imagination's Well at least of mines. I never loved you. It was a joke.
I sit here and write and have honestly realized that the joke was on you...and all this time I thought it was on me.
Tear's wasted over you and I never realized that you weren't crying over me.
When I thought of you, you never thought of me.
A funny joke
Now I'm laughing and moving on.
I am not giving up on every good man because I know there is someone out there who will love me just as much as I loved them.
Ladies we are beautiful, precious, and rare diamonds in the ruff.

Heart

I'm falling apart & barley breathing from a broken heart.
The feeling of a nothing ever being there.
Scared and alone.
My heart hurts.
My heart bleeds of pain and sorrow,
And yet,
My heart still beats with hope
Hope for happiness.
Hope for redemption.
Hope for fear.
and,
A Hope for love.
My Heart is one of the hardest things in my life & having words in your heart that you can't utter...is one hell of a feeling

Voice

It never failed me to be as strong as I am

It never failed me to have ambition
It never failed me to love my family, friends, and even my enemies!!!
I haven’t always been this way though.
In the past I was, scared, alone and afraid.
Of what?
Of being myself!!!
I have been told that, if I was compared to any women in history, it would be Maya Angloue
Not because of my childhood and past
Not because of my mind and soul
Not because of my inner beauty
Not even because of my accomplishments,
but because I have a voice like no other!
I have what u call “my own voice”
A voice that is truly spoken from the heart.
A voice that is confident
A voice that has determination
A voice that is original and not copy written
But I can call,
My Own

Ignorance

"It's the ignorance of others that determines this countries outcome, not the skin color of our president"
-Roo

Write

I you feel like you have the upper hand in what I do say and think
You don't like why I right
Fuck it
I can care less
I don't need your aproval or your comments
You stay doing it is that you do and I'm going to keep doing and being me.
I'm going to keep dancing
Keep running and for damn sure,
Keep writing.........

Hate You

I fucking hate you
I fucking hate everything about you
Your smell
Your face
Your smile
I never should have said I love you
I never should have let you taste or gave you the key to pandora's box.
I take back every look
Every touch
Every I love you
I fucking hate you
FUCK YOU BOY

Drama

Let me start by saying that I have had
I've had it with fake ass, disrespectful, hating ass people.
Men are dogs.
Women are bitches.
Like what else is there to do but have drama in your life.
As much as I chill and do my own thing,
It always seems to creep up and bite me in the ass.
Like no matter you do, there will always be drama
Damn..........

Grams

I sit here and wonder if this is real
Are you really gone?
Can I not pick up the phone and call you to tell you how my day was or how I ran at our track meet, or how dance class was today.
Is it real?
Did we really say our goodbyes 2/21/08?
I miss you so much and to this day, I still find myself picking up the phone and calling you.
"I'm sorry the number you have reached is not in service," is what I here on the other line.
You must have changed your number and didn't bother giving it to me.
Is this some kind of joke, I'm done laughing.
I want you to come back.
Please Grams Please!
Come back and tell me that everything is going to be okay.
Come back please to wipe my tears, kiss me on my forehead and sing something so softly to ease my pain.
I want that feeling back of love, and warmth.
I miss u so much.
Your smile, your smell, and the way you made me laugh.
Grams, I miss you

It Feels Like Everyday It Gets Worse

It feels like everyday it gets worse
It feels like I'm standing in the middle of a room with million's of people and its quite and I'm standing there screaming at the top of my lungs,"Please save me," or "listen to what the hell I have to say damn it."
It's like a fucking re-run of a bad sitcom that has not been canceled yet.

It feels like everyday it gets worse
I find myself waking up every morning realizing that I have once again, cried myself to sleep over something so little, it shouldn't even be on my mind let alone, in my thoughts.
Something so little that it takes the mind a while to consciously be aware of this situation.

It feels like everyday it gets worse
I find myself in repetition.
Word after word.
Tear after tear.
Smile after smile.

It feels like everyday it gets worse
I find myself wondering why.
Why I write
Why I run
Why I cry
Why I love &
Why I hate

It feels like everyday it gets worse
It feels like everyday it gets worse
It feels like everyday it gets fucking worse

The Crew's Family Roles

As much as we have our differences, we have always managed to remain friends.
The Crew is what we call ourselves and what a crew it is.
The mother, Tricia, who for some reason get's angry very quickly and hates the sight if you but then gets over it.
The ghetto aunt, Felicia, who is always talking about,"Its not that serious, can't we squish this already"
The spoiled babies, Melissa & Lauren, who believe in the Bitch & Bye Bitch, lol and always have to be the best dressed or the one's to have it first Gotta love'em
The peaceful grandmothers, Kash & Kelly, who I say grandmothers because when they are around its as peaceful, and as sweet as the morning sky early in the spring.
The quite cousin, Rakita, who you will never see because she doesn't believe in leaving her room but only chill's on her laptop u know.
The dancing crazy uncle, Montez, who every time we're all together, he has to dance for some reason.
The drama kid nephew, Kyle, who where you see him, he has bars or is getting told shut the hell up by mother or called a bitch by baby Melissa
The grandpa, Brit, who mother hates but only tolerates him because she has to, but when they do have their words, its funny to everyone
The distancent cousin for far away, Chris, who is always working or at his basketball practices
And last but not least,
The big sister, Me, who is there for everyone but seems to always fight with mother and the youngest but it is always resolves and works out.
Its an on going cycle.
Those are the roles everyone play's in this crew.
Its the differences that make us stronger and the compatibilities that makes us so cool to each other and others around us.
The Crew

Warm

I met him on a Thursday,
Sunday afternoon.
No sign of rain, 94 degrees.
He was brown,
and deep.
He said he wanted to talk about my background,
and listen to my past life.
We took a long walk's talking about life and the challenges around us,
but on my mind,
Hum!
On my mind was,
Block parties, hip-hop, and High top Adidas!
Now when I say Hip-Hop!
I'm talking about real hip-hop!
When it was Flavor Flave, Slick Rick, and my girl,
Mary J. Blige during "Real Love".
Damn!
Those was the days!
Now contuining our conversation, I thought to myself,
Could it be?
This man was real?
Not real cornie and want to me for my body, but
REAL?
Yes!
As time went on, we became closer!
He became my vodo priest,
and I,
His faithful concubine!
Me being the women that I am,
I like to make they wait,
and ladies u know what I'm talking about!
But this was different!
This,
MAN was different!
It wasn't him and I,
or,
I and him!
It was us!
He me had,
Had me he!
It was beautiful, fulfilling and
Exciting to my,
Mind, body and Soul!
Now!
As us became new,
New made the cuchie easy,
Easy made the body free,
Free made the love obvious,
AND OBVIOUS!
Obvious made everything,
Invisible!
It like the warm feeling u get inside!
Is it love?
Is it passion?
Who's knows!
But,
It is warm!