Grams

I sit here and wonder if this is real
Are you really gone?
Can I not pick up the phone and call you to tell you how my day was or how I ran at our track meet, or how dance class was today.
Is it real?
Did we really say our goodbyes 2/21/08?
I miss you so much and to this day, I still find myself picking up the phone and calling you.
"I'm sorry the number you have reached is not in service," is what I here on the other line.
You must have changed your number and didn't bother giving it to me.
Is this some kind of joke, I'm done laughing.
I want you to come back.
Please Grams Please!
Come back and tell me that everything is going to be okay.
Come back please to wipe my tears, kiss me on my forehead and sing something so softly to ease my pain.
I want that feeling back of love, and warmth.
I miss u so much.
Your smile, your smell, and the way you made me laugh.
Grams, I miss you

It Feels Like Everyday It Gets Worse

It feels like everyday it gets worse
It feels like I'm standing in the middle of a room with million's of people and its quite and I'm standing there screaming at the top of my lungs,"Please save me," or "listen to what the hell I have to say damn it."
It's like a fucking re-run of a bad sitcom that has not been canceled yet.

It feels like everyday it gets worse
I find myself waking up every morning realizing that I have once again, cried myself to sleep over something so little, it shouldn't even be on my mind let alone, in my thoughts.
Something so little that it takes the mind a while to consciously be aware of this situation.

It feels like everyday it gets worse
I find myself in repetition.
Word after word.
Tear after tear.
Smile after smile.

It feels like everyday it gets worse
I find myself wondering why.
Why I write
Why I run
Why I cry
Why I love &
Why I hate

It feels like everyday it gets worse
It feels like everyday it gets worse
It feels like everyday it gets fucking worse

The Crew's Family Roles

As much as we have our differences, we have always managed to remain friends.
The Crew is what we call ourselves and what a crew it is.
The mother, Tricia, who for some reason get's angry very quickly and hates the sight if you but then gets over it.
The ghetto aunt, Felicia, who is always talking about,"Its not that serious, can't we squish this already"
The spoiled babies, Melissa & Lauren, who believe in the Bitch & Bye Bitch, lol and always have to be the best dressed or the one's to have it first Gotta love'em
The peaceful grandmothers, Kash & Kelly, who I say grandmothers because when they are around its as peaceful, and as sweet as the morning sky early in the spring.
The quite cousin, Rakita, who you will never see because she doesn't believe in leaving her room but only chill's on her laptop u know.
The dancing crazy uncle, Montez, who every time we're all together, he has to dance for some reason.
The drama kid nephew, Kyle, who where you see him, he has bars or is getting told shut the hell up by mother or called a bitch by baby Melissa
The grandpa, Brit, who mother hates but only tolerates him because she has to, but when they do have their words, its funny to everyone
The distancent cousin for far away, Chris, who is always working or at his basketball practices
And last but not least,
The big sister, Me, who is there for everyone but seems to always fight with mother and the youngest but it is always resolves and works out.
Its an on going cycle.
Those are the roles everyone play's in this crew.
Its the differences that make us stronger and the compatibilities that makes us so cool to each other and others around us.
The Crew