Love Lost

I try to talk to you, But I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forver stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... But I'll never know And its safe to say it okay that way. Because now that I sit here and think about it, I never knew you! Meeting you was fate, Becoming your friend was a choice, But falling in love with you I had no control over!

Personalties

"Only strong personalties can endure history, the weak ones extinguish from it, but a man/women, people must be big enough to admit their mistakes, as well as flaws, and be smart enough to profit from it and become a stronger person."

-RubyRoo

Love App. Story of My Life

The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to.

Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you.

The thing about falling in love is that if you do it right you'll never hit the ground.

LIFE IS TO SHORT TO BE ANYTHING BUT HAPPY!

So KISS slow,

LOVE deeply,

And forgive quickly.

Take chances and never have regrets.

Forget the past but remember what it taught you.

Sometimes you have to smile and pretend everything's okay,

Hold back tears

And walk away.

If you want to see the rainbow you must first walk through the rain,

And if you want true love,

You must go though the pain!

To Me, when I love someone...

I commit myself without guarantee,

I give myself completely to the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person.

Love is an act of faith,

And whoever is of little faith is of little love ...

Basically right now I'm just going through it...

Sleepless nights,

Tears,

Everything that was said in this Note is so true and accurate to my life...

Heres something,

I know loving is a feeling that brings both joy and pain to my heart.

Joy from being with you, being filled with an emotion so deep and tender that no other feeling can compare.

Pain from knowing that I'm so in love, that I'm more vulnerable than I've ever have been for anyone in life.

The fact that giving your all to someone and them having the power to hurt you!

Scary.

I feel like...

{sigh}

You know what I used to say,

"Love is for females who want to get their feeling hurt and taken advantage of"

Sadly I feel like that now...

Story of my life!

I honestly feel that falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy...

Anger...

Tears...

Laughter...

But it's when you want to be together despite it all.

That's when you truly love another.

I'm sure of it!

At lease

I Hope

The Ideal Man/Good Man

Unfortunately, the ideal man is difficult to find.

How do you know the perfect man anyway?

Can you tell by book, magazines, movies, radio.

What is it...?

Perfection is an ideal situation where everything is just the way it should be . . .

WRONG!

Maybe in a fairytale.

Now, as for myself,

I want a man who is strong, powerful, and dominant, yet have a sensitive side.

A man who is honest and blunt but always keeps my feelings at best interest.

My grams used to say:

"No man is worth your tears Nadina, but once you find one who is, he won't make you cry"

I'm starting to get what she meant.

I believe that God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him.

Funny accusation right?

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.

What does that mean?

It mean a man what something beautiful and can fall in love instantly.

Men love and want beautiful things.

It's nature.

Women on the other hand,

Can be..."Persuaded"

A man can say  anything from,"Your are my everything, My world, An Angel sent from heaven, an image made from the heavens"

To,

"I love You"

WHOA right?

Never really thought of it in those terms.

I feel the word,"Woman", was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.

Thats Ideal.

A man who knows that is an IDEAL MAN.

Everything and more.

An image made from the lord himself to bless me and show me that there is a MAN who is made for me.

My IDEAL Man!

For a women who is love

I leave you with this:

"If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will"

The Ideal Man

Admire

I've always admire what I really don't understand. in other words, One who asks a question, is a fool for five minutes; on the other hand one who does not ask a question remains a fool forever. Make since right! I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

Thoughts Part 3

Emotion

Its the thing that define us as people...

Our character

Who we are and

Aren't

The way we act

Think...

Do!

The love

The Hate...

Its the most powerful thing we hold as humans...

The power to be able to control and NOT let it become someone we r not...

Just thoughts in my head at this moment

Thoughts pt 2

I've come to the conclusion that my heart, meaning, me caring for others, is my strength as well as my weakness.
I stress myself out...for what?
Hell I don't even know...smh
I'm starting to think that love is the extremely if not the most difficult realization that something other than oneself is real...Funny huh...?
You know my grams once told me: Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy There will be anger, tears and laughter but it's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another...
Idk its just something I was thinking about...

Thoughts

Tears...
Tears are words the heart can't express...
Words unspoken, unheard of, etc.
For they are the words my lips whispered, but never so often misunderstood.
Hears a secret...
Ready...
In the silence of night when I'm all alone in my room or where ever I am,
I have often wished for just a few words of what I'm feeling and what I want.
I'd rather not me heard to this point in my life...
Rather than the fake applause of thousands of people who think that know what's going on.
Feelings...
Music is what feelings sound like.
The drums represents the heart...
The sweet sound of the flute flows like the vanes...and,
The amazing sound of the saxophone to clear the mind like the brain
Yes...
Amazing isn't it
My grams used to tell me I had great Strength of character
Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly
When all is said and done,
We are part of each other.
That's the way it was meant to be.
People are brought together for a reason,
Everything happens for a reason.
I believe the reason that you and me, he and she us and them
Were brought together was because we complete one another.
We fill in each others missing spots with love excitement, joy, pain, sorrow, etc.
If someday God decides to tear us apart,
I trust that there is a reason.
Cause if there is a reason for love,
There is a reason for life beyond it.
Just my thought
I had a ruff hour...smh lol

Look Back At Me

"I can't take this anymore,

All u do is tell me what I can and can't do...you too controling," say's Megan to boyfriend Jake

"You feel like the damn world revolves around your head just because your daddy gave you everything that you ever wanted."

Arguing isn't what any of us want in our relationships.

Screaming, yelling, tears, and thought of being alone.

But the truth is this:

Even then best of us argue.

You see the thing with arguing.

It becomes anger.

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind.

Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.

You will not be punished for your anger, but will be punished by your anger.

What you want is that last look.

So that you have that reassurance that you guys arn't over.

Then you slowly whisper to yourself,

"Look Back At Me"

Why

Sometimes when I'm speaking,
I realize,
My words can't keep up with my thoughts.
I wonder why sometimes I think faster than the words I speak.
Why is it when we speak to one another,
Its seems as so neither is listening and there is lack of communication
It becomes an on going pattern.
Then come the question asked,
"Please explain why your silence makes more noise than thunder?"
With the simple reply back,
"Even silence speaks."
Someone once told me,
The greatest gift you can give another is the full focus of your attention.

Why is that?

Forbidden Love

So what is forbidden love?

Forbidden love puts one in a mood to risk everything and not to withhold elements to her/his own life.

Forbidden love finds a way to its freedom and knows no rules nore boundries.

I'm ready to reveal my deepest secret,

One I've tried to hide I have falling love.

Not just any love.

Forbidden Love.

Knowing we can never be together for so many reasons.

Reason's I can't bare to understand.

I know this though...

I stand here at the shore waiting with a white dress on and a single balloon in my hand for u my love <3

Until then...

Our love shall be...

Forbidden.

Sex Appeal

Some people say,
Sex Appeal is how sexy you are and what kind of sexual vibe you send out through your appearance.
A lot of people have a natural sex appeal and its because they have this sexual glow to them.
Sex Appeal.
Its as easy as 1,2,3
Sex appeal is sexual attraction.
It what drives our hormones to go CRAZY!
"Damn, she's bad" or
"Girl, he can get it anytime he want."
Its that thing that makes us want more
We feed from it.

Blindness

My blindness leads me to define my ignorance.
The feeling of a young refugee fleeing to escape danger from one's own hell and confusion.
Caught in a storm...
Rushing emotions,
Thunder like anger,
Clouds of in denial.
Free me from this hell...
My ignorance lacks knowledge, which leads to my decline of sophistication as well as intelligence.
My down fall...
My ignorance
The betrayal of one's self that defines who we are as human beans .
Our Blindness

To Prepare and Motivate One's Self

They ask me,"Miss Turner, what is that you do to prepare and motivate yourself before your events as an athlete?"
I simply say this,
"A cup of tea to calm my nerves and smooth music.
I imagine what I want to happen on the runway,
Breaking it down piece by piece.
How I can make it happen.
I then replay it over in my head
But not to much to overwhelm myself and take me out of my zone.
Top if off with a good night's sleep.
Waking wake up the next morning not having a care int he world.
Do my warm ups until game time...
When I step onto that run way,
I clear my mind of all distractions, as well as people...
As if I am the only competing athlete in the arena.
I then...

Just do it..."

Poetic Justice

Poetry: imaginative awareness of experience expressed through meaning, sound, and rhythmic language choices so as to evoke an emotional response
Justice: the concept of moral rightness based on ethics, rationality, law, natural law, fairness and equity

I, Nadina Monee Turner, am a writer.
I write from with in my soul.

I write to become free.

Free of this world and all of its distractions.
Poetry is...
Me
My determination, my struggles, and my faith all are apart of my writing.
It's my peace.
My Utopia
My Poetic Justice

Innocence

Innocence
It's in all of us
Our inner child
For me,
I find myself struggling with my inner child sometimes.
I find it intervening with my soon to be adult years.
Its kinda makes me wanna cry when I think about it sometimes.
Not the fact that I'm growing up and will have to pay bills and someday soon I will have a family of my own...
but me holding on to my innocence's and not letting it pass me by, but in bracing it as apart of my adult hood.

A Day in the Life of...Nadina Monee Turner

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh"
Stupid alarm...
Stumbling out of bed rubbing my eyes wondering why I'm up at 11a.m.
11:20a.m. goes by...
A half an hour shower using up all the hot water.
11:50a.m. comes...
I carefully lotion every inch of my body twice, I then start to dress myself. From my feet, working my way up...different huh...!
12:30noon rolls around...
"Why is there traffic this late in the day."
1:20p.m. and just sitting here...
Sitting here in this classroom thinking about when its going to be over and what I'm doing later on today.
5p.m. and still wondering...
Wondering why my life is so different...
5:45p.m. with my peoples...
Another sit down dinner with my family.
Smiling, laughing, and talking about how our days went as a whole.
6:45p.m. finding myself...
I'm finding my self sitting in my room on my facebook thinking who the this person is that has friend requested me, while multitasking a paper that's due tomorrow morning at 8.
9p.m comes...
Minutes are free baby...
and talking on the phone for along duration's of time with random friends about nothing important and laughing about the stupidest things.
12:50 is here...
another day has passed and I'm sitting laying here in my bed crying because I feel so empty...
It will be a year in February 09 that my grams has been dead...
It will have been will have been 7 year's my Aunt Anent has been gone also...
It will have been going on 5 years my father has been in jail.
Anger runs through my vanes of everything that's happen over the past 9 years
Foster care, being on and out of schools...
2:10a.m. laying here...
After crying and thinking for so long,
I settle into bed and relax...
I fall into a deep sleep and to wake up and repeat this day over again.

Reflection

I find myself reflecting
Reflecting on everything that has happened over the past year.
There are so many things that I can say has changed my life for the better.
In other word I learn from my mistakes...etc
My grams died 2.21.08 and it changed my world.
I was an All American 14 times in 2yrs for track & field.
I have graduated from high school and I'm now in college.
Exciting huh...!
I've met amazing people, who have made me laugh and have been there when I've cried.
I have experienced new things and historical changed such as Barack Obama becoming the first African American President in United States history and the Phillie's winning the World Series after 40yrs.
I've made good decisions as well as bad ones including my love life
I've found new love and new hatred for many things I have dealt with over this past year.
After sitting here and reflecting everything that has happened,
i can honestly say that its made me less ungrateful but more aware of what things, who I have, and what is meaning in my life.

Haters

TO ALL THE HATER I SAY THIS

I sit here and look back on everything that has taken place this first semester in college.
I've made some bone head choices, meaning:
People I talked and chilled with
Who I decided to tell my business too.
What I did when it came to my education
When and what classes and I decided to blow off and say, “I’ll go tomorrow", or “I’ll make it up"
To everyone who knows and doesn't know...It's a good chance I might not return next semester because of these stupid choices I made but that doesn't make me any less of a person and less educated then you.
The funny thing is, I've learned in this process is this...
Everyday people ask, "Roo, you’re not coming back..."? I tell them, it's good chance I won’t because I messed up...
They say we'll miss u but in the back of my minds, I know they laugh and hell, I'm laughing with you because it's funny, especially to all my haters.
You know all ones who wanted me to fail...
Well l say this to you all...and it's a promise...
You'll get yours don't u worry.
Hating is the sincerest form of flattery
It's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not.
I know I'm not a failure, but a person who learns from her mistakes.
I say this,
Can't any BITCH or BULL take my place on this campus...
If u feel I am address this to you... that take this all and SUCK THIS DICK
I will be back on my "A" game next semester making new friends, and jumping my ass off.
I've grown as a person, a lover, an athlete, but most important... A STUDENT!
See all u hating ass people at GRADUATION in 2012

Duces...

Focus

My main focus for the year 09 is to do what I have to do in school...and do damage on the field...All Americans is what it is...I will be nothing but the best...and settle for nothing other then the best...No cornballs will be allowed to inter my life...nor throw me off my focus for greatness...
I have come to realize that my one true love is Track & Field...as much as he stresses me out and we have our good days and bad days...he will always make me happy...we been throw so may wins together to throw it away...and he doesn't cheat...or betray my trust or play me like a fool...
School work...and the field is what its all about in 09...
Duces

I write

I write...
I write because its calming and comforting.
I write because its a way of expressing myself without showing outrageous anger.
Writing...
Writing for me can lead to other things such as me wanting to tell people to kick rocks.
Writing for me lets me say thing's l can not when I am around them...though I do not bite my tongue, so don't get the two confused.
I find...
I find writing to be helpful in such ways...
Such ways...I dare not say because people get offended.
Now...
Now that I think about that...
I don't give a DAMN!
I find people...many people...including my "closest friends" to take me for advantage.
Advantage...
Advantage as in calling me out of the blue asking if I can take them somewhere
or pick them up,
or take them here or there...
I never get a,"Thank you Roo," or "Roo do you want to do something or go somewhere."

Hell maybe it's me just being nice...

To nice...
To nice to not say, NO, or I have plans, sorry no can do.

I'm pissed...
I'm pissed because I am to nice to EVERYONE...
The funny thing is I don't have a mean bone in my body...
I have...
I have a weakness for people.
A weakness to always wanting to help someone out and make sure they are okay...even if they make a fool out of my kindness.
Then I come to realize, no one does that for me...
My Aunt died today...and not one of my,"closet friends" has called to see if I was okay... except for 2, Jonathon and Jaysen...also including Bryce
I write...
I write because I'm angry and I hate selfish people...
I write because I have lost all hope to try and talk
I write because this is the last thing left in me to do...
Just write...
I Write